Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
