According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
