no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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