here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
