Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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