You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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