i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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