So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
