I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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