Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
