I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
