I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
