I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
