You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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