so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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