I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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