i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
