i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
