It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
