I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
