She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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