why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
