You're so nebulous sometimes
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
