He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
