did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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