You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
