I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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