Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
