I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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