Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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