he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
