he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
