break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize