so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
