we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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