Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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