Just fell off a train. Bad.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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