alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
