I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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