My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
