Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
