Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
