im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
