I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
