i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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