I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
