I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
