Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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