you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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