Moan for me like Helen Keller
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
