I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize