yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
