Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
