I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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