tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
