i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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