I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
