Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
