david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
