i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
