When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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