hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
4 words: hood of his car
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
