My brain says no but my pants say off.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
