The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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