wanna go halves on a baby?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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