i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is wine microwaveable?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
