is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
