we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
