What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
