The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
